PAPA? PAPA! (A DIALOGUE)

-Papa? Papa!

-Yeah…yes, boy? I’m here. What is it?

-I didn’t know where you were.

-I’m here. I told you that.

-But you weren’t. Just now, Papa. You weren’t! Where were you?

-I was here. I was always here, boy. The whole time. Okay?

-Okay. But I was scared. I felt…scared.

-Were you dreaming?

-What?

-Dreaming, boy. Did you have a bad dream?

-I don’t know. I was scared. You weren’t there. Mummy wasn’t there. My insides were hollow and I couldn’t see you. I was crying, Papa. But it didn’t sound right—inside my head, the crying sounded wrong. It smelled sour and there were too many lights, bright ones—but I couldn’t close my eyes.

-Oh. Oh. I’m sorry I wasn’t there, boy. That happened—all of it—in the inside world. I couldn’t be in there with you. Not really. Not the real me. But I was here—in the outside world—the whole time. I promise, boy. I was. It was a dream. Just a bad dream.

-Do you have them, Papa? Dreams, I mean? Bad dreams?

-I do, boy. You don’t remember, but I woke you up just last night with my own crying. Your Mum, too. But that’s okay. Crying, I mean. Okay?

-Okay, Papa. But why were you crying? Last night, I mean.

-Well. I don’t remember now. But at the time? When I woke up? I was terrified.

-Terrified, Papa?

-Oh…. Sorry, boy. It means scared. Very, very scared. Like you were just now. In your inside world.

-I thought there was only one world, Papa. This one.

-No. There are two, boy. At least two. Maybe more.

-The inside world, where I was before? And this one, where I am now?

-That’s right, boy. At least those two. The inside and the outside.

-Which is scarier, Papa?

-Depends, I guess. You’ll have to decide that for yourself. Myself? I cry more often when I’m in the inside world. But for me, the outside world is scarier. Because you exist. Because you’re in it now.

-I scare you, Papa?

-No. God no, boy. You don’t scare me. That’s not what I meant. But I’m scared for you, for what’s out here, in the outside world. We wake up from bad dreams, you and I. Your Mum comes and pulls us out of them. But I’m scared because I can’t always wake you up from the outside world. I can’t pull you out of it. I wish I could. 

-It’s okay, Papa.

-Is it?

-It is.

-How do you mean, boy?

-You’re here. Really here. In the outside world. You and Mummy both. You are here.